Unconditional Love Exist?
This has nothing to do with love birds, but how parents express their love to their kids. I have only Justin and expecting the 2nd one, so I'm not sure if I'll love them the same, or I'll act like some of the parents I know.
There's this 8-year-old boy, let's name him WK, who comes to my centre every weekday for my teachers to coach him on his homework. He comes with the elder brother who's smarter and more hardworking. WK is quite slow, and he has left out a lot in his studies, so he's having a tough time catching up. They have very different characteristics, the elder one is a chatter box, while WK is very quiet. I think he's lack of confidence.
Since his parents are Taiwanese, they don't understand much English and Malay, and also too occupied with their business and don't have time to coach him. That's why they ask my teachers to make sure that their sons finish their homework at my centre.
Like any Chinese school kid, WK has at least 5 books of homework per day. But lately, my teachers have suspected that something is wrong as his homework are getting lesser, and he stops marking which pages he should be doing. So, we talked to his dad. His dad went to the school and found out that WK has been hiding his homework away, thus he doesn't need to do them. And he was bullied at school where his friends took his new exercise books, sports T-shirt, and stationery that the father bought for him at the beginning of the year. That's why he always lost his stuffs.
His dad was so mad and hit him badly. He's in tears when he came to my centre that day, and hasn't taken his lunch. His brother was not helping much and started telling us about why his brother being beated up and that embarrassed WK even more. I can see that his father prefers the smarter son over WK, but he also loves WK and that's why he's so mad when he found out the truth. But I think by beating him up doesn't help and WK might feel that his dad loves them differently. According to the brother, his dad always hit WK because he's stupid (that's the word I don't like to use on children), and always does badly in exams. What will you feel if your brother is doing so well while you're being hit because you're less achieving in academic?
I really pity WK because it's really hard growing up in his brother's shadow. He doesn't have the confident to even stand for himself when his stuffs were taken. BTW, I also wonder if the stuffs were returned to him once the school teachers found out that the other children took them. I know school teachers are very busy, but really hope WK is not being left out since he's a slow learner.
I have no idea how my children will be, but I really hope I won't be comparing them. Once there's a comparison, we'll treat them unfairly.
10 comments:
have u named your second baby? i don't think favouritism can be avoided ;-D
We have to really try to be fair to our kids even though their intelligence level or they are different. But it's tough though. Who can avoid favourism?
That's the worry I always have, if I have another child, can I love the child equally as I love Zara? I'll have to have another to know.
I think WK's parents are not handling the situation well. By beating him, and with him being teased in school, his self esteem must be really low. This kid will probably grow up being very timid.
Hope for the best for WK.
Never never compare. Bis disaster waiting for trouble the moment u start to compare yr kids. Each and everyone has thier own speciality. There was this girl in my school where the father always compares her with the elder sis. She only got 7As in her SPM and the leder had 9As. Father kept saying u are bad. The younger girl one day just went "off" and is now in some "homes" for those who like to talk to themselves. wat a waste.
I think malaysia should come out with a law to stop parents from hitting their children badly... sigh!
I think those parents who bullied their own children are total cowards!
as for myself, I just hope my son to grow up healthy, that's all!
Daddy Nick, I've thought of a name, but really want to confirm the gender when she's out (scan can be wrong) then only name her.
Zara's mama, that's why some parents choose to have only one child, and they'll shower all their love to him/her, no favourism.
Ipoh mali jugak, 7As is bad??? This father really needs counselling. Poor girl, she'll always be overshadow by her sis. Hope she'll recover soon.
Egghead, many parents still hit their kids badly, and I know a few. Some just can't control their anger and release it on their children, very pity those kids.
you made me cried in the morning when reading how WK being treated in the family.
Actually, I also hope this won't happen in my family. Even though not beating, just words alone can be very hurting to the child - that is mental abuse.
I think we both share the same concern and worries about our children's upbringing.
Let's keep on reminding each others, so we won't make this mistake!
Feel sorry to WK.
Read your post, remind me to be carefully handle to avoid it happen to me.
It's tough to avoid favourism, but I hope I did it. I will make sure both my sons get the equal thing. I always encourage my eldest to play with 'didi', hope they may build up a good relationship each others, so when they grow, they can work hand in hand.
The father is a principal of a school then!! The daughter came out briefly from the "home", entered uni to take up medical degree, relapsed during first yr and since has been a permanent member of the "home" in Perak.
Personaly I hate favouritism and feel so sad about WK! He is gonna to grow up with low self esteem if his father don't change his attitude.
No offence to other, that's what I always thinking, if couldn't love two child equally, then why bother to give birth to 2 children, better have only one child and love him all! Anyway, human is still human, it's easy to say than work!
I've seen how favouratism can cause lots of troubles in a family especially amongst siblings so we should try to avoid it! Anyway, I don't think you need to worry about No. 2. You'll love No. 2 just as much I'm sure. I love both my lovelies equally. They are both my precious little ones and always will be. :)
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